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We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

Bob Hope

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE

Arrive Giving Ideas Still Two
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
BOB HOPE

Age Country Middle People Weightlifting
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Kids Wonderful
If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
BOB HOPE

Fighting Games Golf
Please don’t stand up on my account.
BOB HOPE

Account Line One Please Stand
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
BOB HOPE

Funny Golf Same Time Together
Lots of travel, away from home.
BOB HOPE

Away From Home Line One
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
BOB HOPE

Agents Lying Typical
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
BOB HOPE

Jesus News Pissed
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
BOB HOPE

Fields Flatterers Golf Shooting
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hope Love
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Night Suffering

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

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We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

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