I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
BOB HOPEI’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
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Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
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Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
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The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
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Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
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I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
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It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
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I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die.
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For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
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Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
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My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
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I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
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Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE