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I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

Bob Hope

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Direction Helping Life Wondering
I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hilarious Sympathy Witty
Television. That’s where movies go when they die.
BOB HOPE

Country Dies Movie People Television
You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
BOB HOPE

Age Country Middle People Weightlifting
US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE

Ford Gerald Golf President
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE

Golf Paramedic Play Trying
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
BOB HOPE

Appreciate Want War Winding
I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
BOB HOPE

Home Marriage Years
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous Old
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humble Humor

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

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I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

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