Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEYI try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
BILL BAILEY