Contentment is knowing you’re right
BILL BAILEYWhat I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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