Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEYWhat I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY