There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

BILL BAILEY

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’

BILL BAILEY

Over

Bob Kerrey

BOB KERREY

Eternity Whales

Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.

BILL BAILEY

Doubt

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

BILL BAILEY

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

BILL BAILEY

Existentialist

Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it

BILL BAILEY

Clubs Marijuana

I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.

BILL BAILEY

Chocolate

Bill Kreutzmann

BILL KREUTZMANN

Travel Would Be

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

BILL BAILEY

Crush Cynicism

I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

BILL BAILEY

Bonus Paid Suddenly

But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”

BILL BAILEY

Shootest

This shed does not contain me.

BILL BAILEY

Shed

Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

BILL BAILEY

Earning Fluctuate Gigs Lasts Profession

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

BILL BAILEY

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

BILL BAILEY

Vegetarianism

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

BILL BAILEY

Guitar Tremendous Vintage

Bill Bailey

BILL BAILEY

Eight Screw

There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

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