black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.

Bill Bailey

Related Topics

Chocolate

I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY

Foxes Knocking Running Scrambling
Well, I happen to have a love of vocal reproduction devices.
BILLY WEST

Devices Happens Wells
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

BILL BAILEY

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY

Littles Three
Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY

Confused Harmless Limp Thing Wole
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
BILL BAILEY

Keyboard Loose
There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
BILL BAILEY

Box Suggestion
Bill Bailey
BILL BAILEY

Confused Philosophical
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

BILL BAILEY

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
BILL BAILEY

Vegetarianism
Thank God for Darwin, eh?

BILL BAILEY

Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY

Thank
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Guitar Tremendous Vintage
Bill Watterson
BILL WATTERSON

Looks
It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.

BILL BAILEY

It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
BILL BAILEY

Outlook
People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’

BILL BAILEY

People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY

Finished
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Marijuana
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!

BILL BAILEY

So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEY

Possess Things