Well, I happen to have a love of vocal reproduction devices.
BILLY WESTNostalgia: How long’s that been around?
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEY -
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEYThree blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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This shed does not contain me.
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Bobby Jindal
BOBBY JINDAL -
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEYSo many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEY -
Brandi Carlile
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEYPeople say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY -
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEYWhat I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEYAt college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY



