I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEYThree blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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