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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.

Bill Bailey

People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Optimist People
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY

Electricity Kings Law People Running
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
BILL BAILEY

Quite Sometimes Stressful Way Worry
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEY

Dollars Funny Humor Work
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY

College Jobs Thinking Time Whole
I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY

Ducks Funny Humor Strict
I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Meat
Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Happiness Knowing Someone
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Fashion Marijuana
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY

Finished Funny Humor Unique
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEY

Eight Funny Humor Light Screw
It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEY

Animal Funny Humor Still Trained
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Milk Mother
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY

Littles Stupid Three
I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Funny Humor Long Thinking

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.

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Popular Authors

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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