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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.

Bill Bailey

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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.

BILL BAILEY

I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Long
Bill Kreutzmann
BILL KREUTZMANN

Travel Would Be
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
BILL BAILEY

Bonus Paid Suddenly
Well, I happen to have a love of vocal reproduction devices.
BILLY WEST

Devices Happens Wells
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY

Swan
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

BILL BAILEY

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY

Outcome Three
This shed does not contain me.
BILL BAILEY

Shed
It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.

BILL BAILEY

It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEY

Still Trained
I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoyed Son
Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?

BILL BAILEY

Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEY

Long Nostalgia
I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEY

Concrete Pigs
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
BILL BAILEY

Crush Cynicism
I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

BILL BAILEY

I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY

Meat
Thank God for Darwin, eh?

BILL BAILEY

Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY

Thank
The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.

BILL BAILEY

The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Spontaneous
I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
BILL BAILEY

Chocolate

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.

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