If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEYNot to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEY