I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEYPeople say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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This shed does not contain me.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY