A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
BILL BAILEYI would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY