I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

BILL BAILEY

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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

Bill Bailey

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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEY

Doubt
Bill Watterson
BILL WATTERSON

Looks
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEY

Over
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’

BILL BAILEY

Bill Bailey
BILL BAILEY

Males Pubs Three
Work hard, save and live within your means.

BILL BAILEY

Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY

Hard Mean
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

BILL BAILEY

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
BILL BAILEY

Vegetarianism
I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
BILL BAILEY

Chocolate
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

BILL BAILEY

What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEY

Harp Long
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Marijuana
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
BILL BAILEY

Crush Cynicism
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
BILL BAILEY

Bonus Paid Suddenly
Bill Bailey
BILL BAILEY

Magazine
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
BILL BAILEY

Gigs Littles Odd
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Guitar Tremendous Vintage
Thank God for Darwin, eh?

BILL BAILEY

Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY

Thank
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Moving

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

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