Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEYThe reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY