I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEYThe reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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This shed does not contain me.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEY