Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEYYou remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY