“Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.”

I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.

Presence always wins out over principles.

Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’

Well, I happen to have a love of vocal reproduction devices.

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.

I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.

There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”

It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.

One must stop conducting research before one has finished. Otherwise, one will never stop and never finish.

A drawing is essentially a private work, related only to the artist’s own needs; a ‘finished’ statue or canvas is essentially a public, presented work – related far more directly to the demands of communication.

The project or a few ideas which are not finished or if there are possible directions and what will lead into another game. It’s always like setting up some kind of game you can continuously play.

I would like to be a scholar in whatever I do, a scholar is never finished, he is always seeking and I am always seeking.

When I started I did not know I wanted to be a filmmaker. I started – I made a film. Then when I finished I said, Oh my god it’s so beautiful – I should be a filmmaker!

I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.

I feel right now exactly the way I felt after I finished mixing my first solo album ‘New York Groove’.

A holiday is when you celebrate something that’s all finished up.