There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KINGThat’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
More Alan King Quotes
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KING -
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING






