And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGModesty is not one of my virtues.
More Alan King Quotes
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I was a high school throw-out.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING






