My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KINGModesty is not one of my virtues.
More Alan King Quotes
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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I was a high school throw-out.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING






