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Modesty is not one of my virtues.

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Modesty One Virtue

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
ALAN KING

Country Cutter Dreamer Father Handbag Hero Smart Tough
Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
ALAN KING

Better Eat Much Other People Sex Some Special Talent Take Than Way
The other day my house caught fire.
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Caught Day Fire House Other
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Ability Behave Fun Make Society Watch
It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Allow Being Comeback Easy Father
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING

Country Dinner Life One Restaurant Thing Whole
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING

Alive Current Funny Keep Yourself
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING

Ate Clean Good House Kept Mother
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING

Egg Except Food Life Only Pleasure Salami Second Sex
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING

Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING

Fun heavy Love More Movie Much
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING

Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KING

Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING

Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny

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