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Modesty is not one of my virtues.

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Modesty One Virtue

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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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