For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KINGA summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
More Alan King Quotes
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING