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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!

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Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING

Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING

Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING

Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING

Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING

Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING

Caught Day Fire House Other
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING

Audience Big Comedy Identity Thing Think
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING

Anyone Food Friendship Imagine Interest Last Like More Someone
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING

Country Dinner Life One Restaurant Thing Whole
When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING

All Birthday Celebrate Everybody Father Kid Tell Tree Use
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KING

Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING

Coverage Fire Frown Kind Lawyer Problem Theft
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING

Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING

Day Decide Dinner Go Morning Through
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING

Modesty One Virtue

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