If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KINGA summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
More Alan King Quotes
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING