My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KINGI made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
More Alan King Quotes
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING