The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KINGI made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
More Alan King Quotes
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING