I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KINGThen, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
More Alan King Quotes
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING






