That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KINGI don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
More Alan King Quotes
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING -
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING -
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KING -
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KING -
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING -
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING -
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING -
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING -
I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING -
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING -
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING