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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

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Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell

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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Difficult Face Funny Go Let Offend Worry
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Attack Fun Make Somebody
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Armor Eat Place Suit
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Done First Jewish Act Person Saw Told
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Country Cutter Dreamer Father Handbag Hero Smart Tough
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any Believe More Nobody Trust
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Again Go Role Something Sympathetic Thirty Two Week
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Brother College Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Charm Humor Rhythm Soul
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Modesty One Virtue

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