If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KINGI didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
More Alan King Quotes
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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The other day my house caught fire.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING