Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGI just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
More Alan King Quotes
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING