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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

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Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING

Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Brother College Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING

Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING

Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING

Alongside Dictionary Milton Party Took Tremendous Vaudeville
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING

Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell
Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KING

Back Ball Been Fifty Laugh Listen Love People Theatre Villian Year
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING

Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KING

Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING

Modesty One Virtue

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