Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
ALAN KINGIf you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
More Alan King Quotes
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING