Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGIf you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
More Alan King Quotes
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KING