When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KINGAn old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
More Alan King Quotes
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING






