California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLAIt should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
ADAM CAROLLA