I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLINI’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLINThe God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLINIf a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLINDon’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLINA house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLINIf you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINLife is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLINMost people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLINI’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLINThe reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLINI like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLINIf you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLINSo, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN