“Buy land. They ain’t making any more of the stuff.”

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

It’s not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

If there are no dogs on Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Nothing happens until somebody sells something!

I always tell my mom that if she would have just bought me a Barbie when I was little, I would have gone into real estate.

Goods can serve many other purposes besides purchasing money, but money can serve no other purpose besides purchasing goods.

The way to make money is to buy when blood is running in the streets.

Money can’t buy you loyalty.

If you’re able to help some people and make them smile and make them realize that life is good, then that’s worth so much more than buying a pair of shoes.

Love is for free, just expensive to shop.

If the ride is more fly, then you must buy.