“Work to make a living; serve to make a life.”

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

It’s not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

If there are no dogs on Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.

The really important thing is not to live, but to live well. And to live well meant, along with more enjoyable things in life, to live according to your principles.

I don’t worry about maintaining the quality of my life, because every day I work on improving it.

Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.

Growing up is scary because it happens without you knowing it.

No one should judge what I’ve done with my life, not unless they’ve been in my shoes every horrible day and every sleepless night.

I Used to have friends now but I got enemies.

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

I swear this life is like the sweetest thing I’ve ever known.