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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Bob Hope

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Night Suffering
Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
BOB HOPE

Congratulations Dark House
We’re on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It’s a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
BOB HOPE

Golf Mistake Persian Waiting Way
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
BOB HOPE

Appreciate Want War Winding
Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.
BOB HOPE

Frozen Guy People
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
BOB HOPE

Age Golf Play Tried Weight
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
BOB HOPE

Alligators Bags Golf
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
BOB HOPE

Singing Sweet Trying
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.
BOB HOPE

America Funny Humorous
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
BOB HOPE

Careers Dying Line One
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE

Arrive Giving Ideas Still Two
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

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Popular Authors

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