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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!

Bob Hope

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE

Arrive Giving Ideas Still Two
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
BOB HOPE

Funny Golf Same Time Together
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.
BOB HOPE

Best Friend Talking Tire
I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
BOB HOPE

Age Golf Live Shoot
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
BOB HOPE

Careers Dying Line One
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Friend Good Loss Weight
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE

Book Funny Reading
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
BOB HOPE

Business Golf Green Pay
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
BOB HOPE

Country Dirty People War
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
BOB HOPE

Better Get Home Video
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
BOB HOPE

Agents Lying Typical
I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
BOB HOPE

Games Golf Numeral Roman
I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die.
BOB HOPE

Brother Country Day Die Husband Veterans
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Italian
I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Running
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
BOB HOPE

Golf Green Pay
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!

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Popular Authors

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Hope Quotes