I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPETiming is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
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At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.
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On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
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Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.
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You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
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I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
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I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
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Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
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And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them.
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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
BOB HOPE






