Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLERLife is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER