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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

Phyllis Diller

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Best Contraceptive Nudity People
I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chocolate Dirt Like Serve Show
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Along Always Easy Only Same Tell Understand
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bachelor Guy Made Mistake Once Some
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Best Eat Getmrid Kitchen Odor Out Way
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLER

Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blood Discontinue Know Type

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

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