Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
PHYLLIS DILLEROh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
PHYLLIS DILLERI don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLERI always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
PHYLLIS DILLERCleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLERAll mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhen I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLERChristmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
PHYLLIS DILLERThis woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLERTranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLERHousework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLERMy idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
PHYLLIS DILLERI like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhat I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
PHYLLIS DILLEROld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER