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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

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Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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