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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

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Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work

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