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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

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Accidental Day Enjoy Ever Gin Iron Only Steam Time

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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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All Life Own Real Thing
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something

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