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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

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Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bake Buildup Crud Cupcake Open Roo Single Such
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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Down Head Kwwp Laugh Pro Real Reson See Tell
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Brisk Excercise Good Idea Sit
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blood Discontinue Know Type

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