I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






