This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD