I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD