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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Bee Butcher Kid Told Wife

Bagwalas

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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born I Morning Mother Sickness
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ask How Big People Pet Store Work
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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All Life Pick Pocket Sex
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Beat God Make Me Ugly Yeah Zombie
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Attack Control Girl Last Myself Night Save
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bath Hate Parent Radio Toast Toy
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Country Dog Every Leave Pyramid Room Some
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Honest Luck Politician Run Way

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