Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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