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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Honest Luck Politician Run Way
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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Afraid Dark Light Me Naked Saw Wife
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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