I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
-
-
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD