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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield

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Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear

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