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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield

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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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