One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD