I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThis morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDAt twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD