On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD