I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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