Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGSome would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
More Alan King Quotes
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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The other day my house caught fire.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING