I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KINGSome would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
More Alan King Quotes
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING