I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KINGMy mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
More Alan King Quotes
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING






